The seitanic verses
Bellying up to the bad-faith buffet
My kid developed the alt-chicken miracle seen above, and we make it a lot. It works beautifully in a stir fry, tacos, etc. The nuggets are ridiculous. There’s also a beeflike version, achieved with a few drops of iron supplement and other tricks. The recipe is Russell’s ticket to food-tech riches (or at least his own apartment), but if you’d like to check it out, just let me know and I’ll be happy to send over an NDA.
Russell’s seitan is one reason it was relatively easy for me to renounce animal products a couple years ago. I like to cook and I was ready for a change, and frankly, I’ve always thought our animal-based food system was insane—that is, to the extent that I thought about it at all, which was as little as possible.
That’s the subject of an essay I just published in The New Republic. It’s my best attempt to answer a question that has nagged at me lately: Why are so few of us, despite regularly professing love for animals, despite being deeply informed, thoughtful, obsessed with our health, and at least nominally concerned about the fate of the planet, willing to give up meat? It’s a pretty wide-ranging look at the topic, touching on everything from arctic explorer Knud Rasmussen and Yellowstone’s vegan-bashing fourth season to the “moral disengagement” theory of psychologist Albert Bandura. It also includes a long-overdue takedown of foodie saint Michael Pollan.
Anyway, look, I don’t judge. Eat whatever! (I call this newsletter Dread & Distraction for a reason.) But do check out the piece if you have time, and let me know what you think.
Confessions of a Former Carnivore
Meat-eaters put themselves through an extraordinary array of mental contortions to defend the habit. Here's why it's so hard to put down the burger.
Plus! I reviewed Phil Elwood’s annoying memoir about being an evil PR flack, All the Worst Humans (also for TNR).
Additionally! I trust you. Here’s the recipe:
Russell’s Fake-Ass Chicken Seitan
(serves 6)
1 can cannellini beans, white beans, or garbanzos (drained)
1/3 cup+ water
2/3 cup+ vegetable, olive, or canola oil
2 tablespoons mushroom seasoning*
3 tablespoons nutritional yeast
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1.5 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
1.5 cups wheat gluten
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon garlic powder
In a food processor**, blend beans, water, oil, mushroom seasoning, nutritional yeast, soy and vinegar till smooth, about 30 seconds. Add gluten and blend for 15 seconds more. Add another 3 tablespoons of oil and 2 tablespoons of water. Blend for two minutes.
You should have a stretchy, oily ball of dough. Do a few stretch-and-folds. Place the ball on a sheet of foil, and set it on a steaming rack over simmering water. Steam, covered, for 90 minutes. (You may need to add more water occasionally.) Tear it into shreds. Toss shreds in a bit more oil, and sprinkle with salt and onion powder.
Fry it up!
A life changing tip if you didn't know: freeze your firm to extra firm tofu and then thaw it out. Squeeze out the water after thawing and then cook with spices. The tofu is completely transformed into a meatier texture and easily absorbs spices.